Car with toy Llama strapped to roof stopped by Police

The interestingly decorated hatchback has been driving around Sussex with music blaring and the boot open !

Courtesy of Scott Docherty - www.policeoracle.com Picture credit: Sussex West RPU/Twitter

Spotted on the beach !

Two priests went off to Ibiza on holiday and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as members of the clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed straight to a clothes shop and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals and sunglasses,etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist garb" and were sitting on beach beds, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a beautiful blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They could not help but stare and when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning Father, good morning Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.They were both stunned - how in the world did she recognize them as priests ?

The next day they went back to the clothes store, bought even more outrageous outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them ! And again they settled on the beach in their sunbeds to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking towards them again. (They were glad they had their sunglasses on because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning Father, good morning Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests could not stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

She replied, "Oh Father, don't you recognize me,..............I'm Sister Immaculata !"

Postscript: Lord, Give me a sense of humour. Give me the ability to appreciate a clean joke.

How far from the truth ?

Barack Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.

They both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barack goes first.

“What will the USA be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out

"The country is in good hands under the new president, Crime is non-existent, There is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that” so he asks:

“What will England be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.

“Come on David” says Barack, “What does it say”

David replies,

“Buggered if I know! It's not in English!”

Serial goat vandals damage car

Police chief hopes that damage done to a car by a known pair of goats will be settled out of court.

Police in Richmond, California were called after a concerned resident was unable to convince a pair of goats 'known to get loose' to climb down from his car.

The nefarious four-legged duo escaped from their enclosure to resume a campaign of vandalism, resulting in bodywork damage to a resident's Ford Focus after they jumped up onto the bonnet.

When the resident noticed the two animals standing on his car, he notified the police. By the time the officer arrived, the goats refused to stand down.

After assessing the damage done to the car, the owner intended to obtain quotes for the repair of the scratches on his bonnet and for the goat's proprietor to take care of. As a consequence, there were no criminal charges.

Attending officer Scott MacMaster of Richmond Police said: "Apparently the goats got loose from the neighbours’ and were climbing all over his car...They have been known to get loose in the past"

Article courtesy of Scott Docherty -www.policeoracle.com

Drunk man mistook officer for a stripper !

Man admitted obstructing a police officer after flicking her in the face with a towel believing she was a stripper.

A man has been arrested after mistaking a female police officer for a stripper, dancing in front of her and whipping a bar towel in her face.

Mirroring a scene out of Only Fools and Horses, Paul Harbord thought it was his lucky day when a female officer walked into the Black Bull pub in Old Shotton, County Durham.

The 27-year-old, who had been enjoying an all-day drinking session with a large group, mistook the officer for a stripper when she came in to investigate ‘rowdy’ behaviour on December 29.

Harbord, who is a rigger, was told by one of his friends to expect ‘entertainment’ that evening, so when she entered the pub he shouted ‘look, here is one of the strippers,’ a court heard.

Chairman of the bench David Carr described it as an ‘unfortunate affair’.

Vicky Wilson, prosecuting at Peterlee magistrates court, said: ‘He was part of a large group dressed up. At 9.30pm a female police officer arrived at the pub, following concerns that the group was rowdy.

‘Harbord shouted “look, here is one of the strippers” as he flicked a bar towel in the officers face.’

Harbord, of Peterlee, Country Durham, admitted to obstructing a police officer and was given a six-month conditional discharge. He was ordered to pay £85 and a £15 victim surcharge.

Article courtesy of www.policeoracle.com

Crash Sleigh Santa faces charges

Drunken festive ride lands Father Christmas in trouble with the police

A drunk Santa and his pie-eyed helper are both in hospital after falling out of their sleigh during a tipsy ride down a busy high street.

The 51-year-old Father Christmas and his 31-year-old female helper had been singing Xmas carols and waving at locals as they trotted down the busy street in Ustrzykach Dolnych, Poland, when a passing car beeped them, scaring the horse which reared up sending them flying into the road.

Passerby Zdzislaw Molodynski who captured the scene on camera said: "It was quite extraordinary. They were supposed to have been an attraction at the local market and lots of people were taking their children there to go and see them. But instead they saw these two, who were clearly under the influence, behaving like they had just come out of a nightclub or something. Then a car started beeping them which threw the horse into a panic. It reared up and sent them smashing into the wall on the corner of the street. It was a mixture of 'Ho, ho, ho' and 'No, no, no'," he said.

Magda Dudzinska who had taken her seven-year-old son to meet the Santa said: "I'm not happy they had a crash or are in hospital, but I'm delighted we didn't get to meet them. Who knows what they would have done in that state. They were clearly in no state to deal with children."

The pair were taken to local hospital suffering from concussion.

Police spokesman Dorota Glazowska said: "Technically, they were drunk while in charge of a vehicle on the road. We are looking at pressing charges."

Article courtesy of www.policeoracle.com

Calling The Vet !

Calling the Vet –

too funny not to

share..

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and on heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while they were on holiday.

 

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

 

However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.  Rushing downstairs she found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as can happen when dogs mate.

 

Unable to separate them, and not knowing what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

 

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

 

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me !" he replied 

Five Rules for Men to Follow !!!!



Police detain phone smuggling cat

A criminal cat has been detained by police after it was caught attempting to smuggle mobile phones and chargers into a Russian prison.

With a cat’s natural athleticism and the agility needed to scale prison walls, picking an easily tuned feline seemed like an inspired choice to carry out the illegal operation.

The plot was foiled however, when prison officials spotted the items taped onto the black and white cat’s belly as it sat perched on top of a fence.

The prison service said the animal was detained on Friday at the prison near the city of Syktyvkar in the Komi province, around 600 miles north-east of Moscow.

‘They have foiled various attempts to smuggle banned objects into Prison Colony Number One before,’ said a spokesman for the regional prison service.

‘But in the case of the cat, the prison colony is at a loss: nothing like this has happened in the prison’s history.’

Despite being caught in the act, it’s likely this particular feline will avoid a lengthy spell behind bars!

Online Comments so far:-

I have heard of cat burglargies, but of cat's smugglings that a new one on me. I wonder who trained the cat to carry out this chore and how it knew to climb up that particular prison wall?

Still it all turned to be a CATastrophy. Paws for thought, just a whisker away from getting away with it!

Article Courtesy of Metro and www.policeoracle.com

Police Separate Star Wars & Dr. Who Fans

Organisers call on the force to deal with the dark side of a sci-fi convention!

Police had to be called in to separate rival Star Wars and Dr Who fans at a sci-fi convention in Norwich.

Trouble flared at the fourth Norwich Sci-Fi and Film Convention at the University of East Anglia, organised by the Norwich Star Wars Club.

Police were called after members of the rival Norwich Sci-Fi club arrived to get autographs from two Doctor Who actors at the event.

More than a dozen sci-fi fans from both groups, including several in fancy dress, were involved in a bitter exchange outside the venue at the University of East Anglia.

Jim Poole, Treasurer of Norwich Sci Fi Club, was asked to leave as he approached Doctor Who actor Graham Cole for an autograph.

That provoked a tense stand-off between Mr Poole and the event organiser Richard Walker (63) who then took their dispute outside.

Mr Walker said the visiting club had been trying to undermine and embarrass the convention by posting comments on social media sites such as Facebook.

But Mr Poole said he had attended "in good faith" to collect autographs from two actors for a Doctor Who signature diary to be auctioned for charity.

After police were called by Mr Poole, he was asked to sit in the back of a police car while officers spoke to those involved.

A police spokesman added: "The two rival groups were spoken to and advised to keep out of each other's way."

Article courtesy of Ananova and www.policeoracle.com