HOW YOU CAN TELL A GOOD HUSBAND !!!!

A VISIT TO THE BACARDI DISTILLERY IN PUERTO RICO

David wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his
company's Christmas Party in Puerto Rico. David is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. David had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! ! David sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the villa.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Darling, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you sweetheart! Love, June'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is the hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son Simon is also at the dining table, eating. David asks, "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door".

Confused, he asked his son, "Simon, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table £239.99
Hot Breakfast £4.20
Two Aspirins £0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time . .. PRICELESS
Good Husband

Postcript: It could be true, but I am denying all knowledge!!!! I hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day too!

WORDS OF AN OLD CORNISH SIGNBOARD

Rules of this Lodging House
_______

Fourpence a night for bed
Sixpence with Supper
No more than three to sleep in one bed
No beer allowed in the kitchen
No smoking when in bed
No clothes to be washed on Sunday
No Boots to be worn in bed
No dogs allowed upstairs
No Gambling or Fighting here
No extra charge for Luggage
No Razor Grinders taken in
Organ Grinders to sleep in the attick

By
IZIKIAH O'DONIVIAN

Donkeys, Chaises, Handcarts & Durries
Let on Hire

Mangling Done Here

Forget the past. The best is yet to come!

Overcome your past!

'Forgetting those things which are behind.' PHILLIPPIANS 3:13

It's impossible to succeed in life without overcoming your past. When the great Paderewski first started to study piano his teacher told him his hands were too small to master the keyboard. Yet the fire in his soul drove him to become a world-renowned pianist. When Enrico Caruso first started to study voice his teacher said he sounded like the wind whistling through the window. Today Caruso is remembered as one of the world's greatest tenors. If you need inspiration to overcome your life's obstacles, look no further than Christ.

Society called His birth illegitimate. He was born into a hated minority who experienced brutal oppression every day. The recognised church branded Him a heretic. The state called Him an insurrectionist too dangerous to live. One of His closest friends betrayed Him to enrich himself. He was sentenced without a fair trial and died like a common criminal. What was His response to His suffering, and ours? 'Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world' (John 16:33).

We spend far too much time crying over spilt milk. Rather than giving attention to the most important assignment we have every morning - our choice of an attitude - we waste our time and energy on things that cannot be changed. You cannot change the death of a loved one. You cannot change the fact that one day your spouse told you, 'I want a divorce.' The past is over. Look forward. Press on! God says, 'The plans I have for you...are...good' (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).

That means the best is yet to be!

http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

POLICE PAY/FAIR PLAY !

On Wednesday 23rd January, 2008, an estimated 22,500 off-duty police officers from across England and Wales travelled to central London to mount a protest at the Government's decision to ignore the recommendation of an independent arbitration tribunal on police pay which recommended to the Home Secretary a 2.5% pay award effective from 1st. September, 2007. Instead, the Home Secretary, no doubt under instructions from Prime Minister Gordon Brown, decided to accept the recommendation of the independent arbitration tribunal but to implement it, not from 1st September as per the normal update, instead to commence it on the 1st December, thereby reducing the 2.5% pay award to 1.9%.

This was regarded by all serving police officers as a betrayal of trust and served to completely undermine the independent arbitration process. It was perceived, quite rightly, as the thin end of the wedge, especially when the police have no industrial power under the law to withdraw their labour as in most other professions. The fact that Members of Parliament can vote themselves a pay rise of whatever magnitude seems to have been completely lost on the Government. Following the magnificent turn out on the protest however, the MP's acquiesced and voted themselves a 1.9% pay rise. Without doubt from embarrassment at what they had inflicted upon the police service. At least it shows, contrary to popular opinion, that they do have a conscience!

The Parliament of Scotland, by contrast, implemented the police tribunal recommendation in full! To add even more fuel to the fire the Government accepted the teachers pay review board recommendation and implemented their 2.5% award in full! Who do they think they are kidding?

The huge demonstration of solidarity on Wednesday was, in my opinion, a great credit to the Police Federation of England & Wales and to each and every officer on the march. They conducted themselves with immense civility and even more dignity than any other protest march I have ever witnessed in Central London. Congratulations to all concerned. Even your baseball caps captured the occasion in the right spirit with a neutral political colour and a simple but poignant message. On national television the impact of all those thousands of white caps was an awesome message of solidarity and I commend those who created that great idea and slogan. I was so proud when those of you in Westminster Hall, at the end of the peaceful protest, stood up and sang "God save the Queen". Our National Anthem personifies everything we have ever stood for in the Police Service in this great and wonderful country.

As an officer who retired 12 years ago I empathise with your current plight. I served in the pay meagre days of pre: Lord Edmund Davies, when those in manual trades used to mock me that they earned more in a week than I did! I sincerely hope we never return to those austere days when 24 hour shift work, weekend and bank holiday work, merited very little reward indeed, not to mention the regular risks of confrontation with weapon wielding and drunken layabouts!

I sincerely hope the impact of your demonstration has left a lasting impression upon the minds of those in Government and whilst a u-turn is unlikely in the present instance it should focus their minds on delivering a fairer pay settlement in the forthcoming pay rounds. Keeping inflation under control should never be at the expense of depriving front line police officers of their just entitlements!

To have implemented the recommendations of the arbitration tribunal would have cost peanuts by comparison to the billions of pounds which the Government have paid, and will continue to guarantee, in order to prop-up the ailing Northern Rock Bank as a result of the appalling mismanagement by its Chairman and Board of Directors. Our Government should be thoroughly ashamed of itself. Roll on the General Election! I can say that, unfortunately they cannot. So much for freedom of speech in a democratic society!

LET GOD PICK YOUR FRIENDS !

The Word for today 19 Jan 2008

'THE LORD TOLD GIDEON..."I WILL TEST THEM TO DETERMINE WHO WILL GO WITH YOU AND WHO WILL NOT."' JUDGES 7:4

Sometimes God adds to us, other times He subtracts. At all times He knows what He's doing, so trust Him. You don't need a lot of people in your life, you just need the right people. So let God pick your friends! When Gideon was outnumbered by the Midianites he chose 32,000 men to fight. Then God stepped in and said: 'I will test them to determine who will go with you and who will not.' God kept 300 and let the rest go home because they didn't have the right attitude. He told Gideon: 'Whoever is timid or afraid may leave...and go home' (Judges 7:3 NLT).

Don't worry about numbers: God can still do more with less. Just get ready to lose some friends, for where God's taking you they can't go. They will tell you you're too young, too old, too uneducated, not the right race or gender, or it'll cost you too much and take too long. Don't argue, just love them, pray for them and tell them, 'The just shall live by faith' (Romans 1:17), and keep going!

God told Moses He would take the Spirit that rested on him and put it on 70 others so they could carry the load with him (Numbers 11:16-17). That's what you need; people with the same spirit (attitude and outlook) as you. Just because somebody is gifted doesn't mean they belong in your life. If spiritual gifts are the standard by which we measure, Baalam's donkey goes to the top of the list because he prophesied. The real question is, 'Do they have the right spirit?'

http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

THE BLESSINGS OF REACHING THE THIRD AGE

This beautiful albino peacock is a perfect example of God's wonderful creation. We are also wonderfully made in His image and despite the passage of many years we have every reason to count our blessings. May Almighty God grant me the will to change the things I can, the ability to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. I am grateful to my friend Linda McKean for the following reminder to live every day as if it was your last because one day it will be!

You have never had it so good!

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra biscuit, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

FRIENDS FOREVER!

THE RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE -WHO WILL WIN THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION?

A LITTLE DICKIE BIRD TOLD ME



TO PUT MY MONEY ON THE BLACK ONE!



With special thanks to my great friend Dean Eddy in California.